My Bionic Jelly Bean Kind Of Sucks

The other day my mobile phone was finally updated to Android 4.1.2, popularly and deliciously known as Jelly Bean. (Kind of. I mean, yes, but Google’s official Jelly Bean page is for version 4.2. This is probably a clue.) While it brings with it the vaunted Google Now functionality, some lameness comes along for the ride.

The phone in question is a Motorola DROID Bionic on Verizon Wireless. And with this latest update it gets, well, slow. As one of the first dual-core 4G smartphones, it’s getting on in years, but should still have plenty of oomph to run UI elements smoothly. Instead, I find myself waiting precious seconds (seconds!!) just waiting for my screen unlock code to show up.

There are also niggling little interface changes that don’t matter much in the scheme of things, but get to me. One example: when opening a Web link from my preferred Twitter client, HootSuite, I get a dialog asking me what program I want to use to open it. In earlier Android versions, there was a checkbox to indicate that I wanted my choice to become the default in the future. Now, there are “Always” and “Just once” buttons, and I have to make an extra tap. My thumb is BUSY, Google. I don’t have TIME for this.

And then there’s this:

Android 4.1.2 error

Okay then.

This error message appears every few hours. I presume it’s some problem locking onto a Wi-Fi signal. It doesn’t seem to affect my connection, but the error message gets in the way and really seems like the kind of thing that should’ve been caught before release.

Oh, oh, and SPEAKING of Google Now, my weather widget has now been subsumed into that program. So now I have to find another widget to replace that widget if I want weather right on one of my home screens.

Finally, jelly beans are just not as scrumptious as a good ice cream sandwich.

Phooey.

How Do I Get Rid Of 700+ Identical CDs?

As a formerly world famous and massively successful indie musician, I naturally possess some back stock of old releases. Specifically, there are more than 700 copies of Stars or Streetlamps in my basement, complete with original shrink wrap.

Out of the, uh, limited edition of 1,000.

Out of the, uh, limited edition of 1,000.

As my youthful practices of gigging and selling these things are far in the past, I can’t rely on eager fans swooping them up at 10 bucks a pop anymore. So I’d like to give them away. Ideally, I’d like them to be distributed across the country and they’d end up in the hands of people who just might appreciate them. I have some ideas, but I welcome yours as well.

  • Mailing each one to a different random person. Expensive (more than $1 per CD adds up quickly) and labor intensive.
  • Standing outside an airport and handing them out to world travelers. Would likely result in my ass in Gitmo.
  • Leaving individual copies in coffee shops, book stores, etc., where hipsters would spontaneously discover and share them. Probable actual destinations: lost and found boxes, trash.
  • Sending boxes of them to select friends in different locales for them to distribute locally. Also somewhat expensive and burdensome.

What do you think?